First off, can we just pause and acknowledge ourselves for a second? That’s a lot of stuff we decide on in one day. And also, whew. No wonder we’re tired. That realization makes me wanna grab coffee # 2, extra cream.
That’s a lot of choices, we’re making. It breaks my heart because I watch a lot of women let this sneaky dude into their life for some of the “more important” of those 35,000 decisions.
They start dating Dr. Right/Mr. Wrong when they’re trying to figure out :
if the next job is the right fit.
where to move.
to stay with the new guy or leave him.
We imagine Dr. Right has gleaming white teeth in a flashy smile and we loooove everything about him. He brings in the dough, looks great in a suit, and reaaaaallly listens when we’re down in the dumps. Yes, please!
We’re always battling with ourselves to choose Dr. Right (everything works out perfectly with him!).
Mr. Wrong though, he’s ugly, hunched over, and he’s going to ruin everything about our life.
The problem here is that rarely in life are things so black and white. CLEARLY, we would slam the door in Mr. Wrong’s face and leap into the arms Dr. Right.
Here’s the interesting thing: in the story of Dr. Jekyl & MR. HYDE, THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON! It just depends on the time of day.
Now that’s interesting to me. Many times, our next choice is neither right nor wrong, but we assign a feeling to it.
In the shadow of that dilemma– that we might make the WRONG choice (or worse yet that any choice could have devastating consequences)–we freeze.
“Shit the job looks perfect on paper, but I’m just uneasy about it.”
“It’s perfect timing to travel to the wedding in Thailand, but that money was earmarked for (insert your savings plans).”
And suddenly, you’re stuck. You’re terrified to move, because…. what if you choose Dr. Right and he turns out to be Mr. Wrong?
What if you choose Mr. Wrong (accidentally) and Dr. Right marries the next chick! Ahhhh, the pressure!
The women that come to me for coaching are tired. Bone tired of the pressure to make the “right” choice, to do the “right” thing, to be the “right” person.
From sister to sister:
Using Dr. Right/Mr. Wrong to determine our next choices is a really excruciating place to make a decision from.
Let’s add a little space here. Take the claws of perfection out of the game.
Here’s how to ditch Dr. Right/Mr. Wrong and practice making powerful choices.
Instead of looking at everything as right Vs. wrong (a deadly game that feels like life or death), we can see each choice as an opportunity. Each choice offers you a road sign. Shall we go right or left or fuck ’em both and just blaze off path (sometimes more fun, more adventurous, more languid, more scary, whatever, its yours)?
Your job is to DISCERN your truth with each choice, not label it good or bad.
Do I feel excited? Energized? Hopeful? What about this makes me excited?
Do I feel dread, disdain? What about this makes me feel disdain?
In order to move closer to what you desire, what you love, what you want to create, you HAVE to experience things/people/places that don’t light you the heck up.
How else shall you know what it is you desire?
Instead of labeling a heavy, pressure-filled task as “WRONG”, you look within. What did I dig about that experience? What did I detest?
That way, when the next fork in the road comes, you remember how you felt about it and you choose to do it differently.
I HATED that I couldn’t change the tire in the rain. Made me feel weak when I had to call. I’m gonna learn how to change my tire.
I am never changing a tire in the rain again. I’m calling AAA.
Discern how you feel.
No matter what choice you make. Life is about learning. You will make choices that you regret. But regret = learning (as long as we don’t turn it into shame). You learn about what you like and you create more experiences like that, because NOW, you know where it lives in your body.
You gotta believe you’re worthy even if it turns out, you made a mistake. You can get back up. You can try again. Seek out those that love + support you and ask them for support.
Light in choice = more light in life.
Big love + bold laughter,