I spilled the beans accidentally before grinding them. The top popped off (how does that even happen?) and I was pissed. Pissed that the coffee maker needed that much attention. Pissed that it needed maintenance.
Suddenly, I felt the curtains in my head part.
Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew. I wasn’t pissed off at the coffee maker. I was pissed off at me. I needed rest. I needed to rejuvenate. I was pissed that I “needed” at all.
I have a habit of going into survival mode and I was way there. In survival, I wait to rest until I get just one (or 400) more thing done. I wait to restore my energy. I wait to take the dance class I’m craving until there’s more money in the bank. I wait to hang out with my girlfriends until life slows down.
I was pissed at myself because I wasn’t allowing myself to catch a break.
Whew. It sucks to be angry at self.
And newsflash, it doesn’t do anyone (least of all me) any good.
I needed a reminder.
Our emotions aren’t demons. We’re not crazy for experiencing them, even when they might feel wild. Our emotions are road signs. They point to what we need or desire in our lives. Emotions are meant to be honored. They are meant to flow through us (emotion = energy in motion), but I’m still learning about the flow.
There’s a dance that we each must learn. We must dance with responsibility + commitment AND still practice deep listening to what we need.
Sometimes it’s just your needs that need to get met.
It’s ok to get your needs met.
It’s ok to need 8 hours of sleep.
It’s ok to need nourishing food.
To need alone time.
To crave together time.
To desire soulful orgasms.
To create T=time to just sit + be.
To take a gosh darn nap.
What is your relationship to your needs?
This is the most profound question anyone ever asked me. As a recovering Catholic, my response was… “Needs? I don’t get to have needs. Other than sleeping and eating. Everything else I should be able to do without if I need to.”
No. <—- Which is complete sentence, in case you’re like me and had never practiced that.
I should be able to do without everything else if I need to.
You actually are responsible for figuring out your needs. You’re responsible for asking for your needs to be met from yourself.
A place to start, if you’re new to this game:
What are you needs?
Wanna take it up a notch? Start dreaming, lovely.
What are you wants/desires/dreams?
It’s ok to listen to my needs. It’s ok to honor my needs + make time + space for them consistently in my life.
If you’re looking for some more exploring for these Qs in life, join my Facebook group SoulSpeak, a place for women to practice speaking truth and wrestling with their needs and their deepest desires.
Big love + bold laughter,
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