M, an artistic go-getter (and I client I adore!), presented this internal battle:
Home versus the Nomad Life
Home spoke to her of safety, comfort, friends.
Being a nomad felt alive in color, possibility, adventure, and freedom.
These seemingly conflicted desires washed her body in tension.
Tension = Road Sign.
Sometimes, we miss our truths, because we don’t like the way the road signs feel.
M & I let the tension tighten. Home v. Nomad. Security v. Freedom. Known V. Unknown.
I asked her more about what was it that she wanted from a home.
HOME: Feeling safe, secure, comfortable, with her friends, a place to settle into, a place that she decorated. It was literally going to be a physical representation of who she was for all to see.
“Home is just wanting to know myself intimately. Having a home was another way to do that.”
POOF. Just like that, the need for brick + mortar was gone. It’s not the porch or the windows. HOME meant deeply knowing + understanding herself.
Over and over, I’m finding that women have an internal knowing of when we feel home, something that we can not always explain. Yet, it lives in us. When we feel at home, we live in possibility. We take trips. We meet new people. We risk our necks on new business ventures, new relationships, envisioning a new job and GOING FOR IT. When we do not feel home, we are lost. Our light is dimmed. We feel rage for loved ones that we feel like stifled us. We suffer. Our creative muse is quiet and we feel desperate, abandoned by life.
It is not the exact address that matters. It’s not the apartment or the house.
It is being able to feel HOME deeply in your bones.
I know her wrestle intimately.
I left my home in Colorado, because a part of my heart was missing. I traveled 3,000 miles to a new place where I created the tribe + community I was craving and yet.. I did not feel at home.
Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes in Women Who Run with the Wolves says this:
“If we were never taught to return to the soul-home in childhood, we repeat the “theft and wandering around lost” pattern ad infinitum. But, even when it is our own dismal choices that have blown us off course–too far from what we need–hold faith, for within the soul is the homing device. We can all find our way back.”
Ah. Yes. Good ol’ soul-home. It’s a concept I still wrestle with. How do I create HOME for myself?
In April, I moved again. My 15th time in 10 years. My last place was home for me. This new one feels like it, too. It’s not all the stuff (Admittedly, moving 15 times means you trim the fat often.).
I’ve learned I tend to feel more at home with certain tangibles: Plants. Books. Photos. Earrings (What can I say? Those dangles always make me feel sassy).
The intangibles: Love + Trust.
The Love + Trust are knowings that reside deep in my being. Trust that this space is safe. Love for all who cross the threshold. Trust that I will listen to my heart, when all the people that I survey (an old habit that sometimes kicks up) say, “DON’T DO IT THAT WAY.”
But inside, my heart has whispered, “That’s the way.”
This inherent trust that you can find HOME is essential for living fully. The more I create + honor my sense of home, the more I’m able to do with my life (start a biz, have a relationship with a dude I love, create my TRIBE!).
But I still have questions:
How do I create a place where I feel home?
How can I feel “home” even when I’m on the go?
What elements are sacred + essential?
What has nothing to do with the surroundings?
What relationships + festivities do I want to hold in this house?
What are elements that I didn’t know I needed?
When I’m asking everyone I know questions like this, I know it’s time to bear witness at SoulSpeak. I know we’re meant to learn from and with each other.
Join me at May’s SoulSpeak:
If you’ve found your way back home.
If you’re lost + seeking home.
If you’re listening, you’re learning, we need everything that you are learning so that we can learn to tune in to our souls and journey home.
In so much love + laughter,
P.S. If you want to know details on June’s SoulSpeak on Power, join the SoulSpeak Facebook group here.
P.PS. This SoulSpeak will be held at my new home. It needs your wild ways + your spirit. I’m so excited to see you!
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