Boundary Fail. Friend Win.
“Listen, I have something going on that’s really bothering me. Have you been seeing this?” she said.
My sails fell. I suddenly felt tired + cranky. She noticed that I wasn’t really into it.
“Are you actually available to listen right now?”
Personal Boundary Fail. I sighed. ” Actually, you’re right. I’m not really going to be able to listen + hold space for all of your feelings on this.”
Friend WIN. “That’s ok. I actually spent an hour and a half talking about it, I don’t think I need to bitch more. But I’m going to need to put on my big girl panties. Instead, would you give me a blessing? I feel like I need courage to do this.”
I paused. As a recovering Catholic, I was pretty sure only Priests + Popes can bless people. Ask me for a blessing? Isn’t that blasphemy? Can I get excommunicated for that?!
Yet, I’ve been recently been drowning myself in the words of John O’Donohue, thirsting for his beautiful blessings to light the way when I can’t see.
Blessings? I don’t know if I can do those.
But words of encouragement for a woman that I know + love + trust? That, I can give in spades.
I wished her strength in this process of falling away + opening.
I wished her power as she steps so strongly into her calling + her purpose.
I wished her the memory of truth when all is blurry, that she will stay the course. And the ability to let go + surrender when the current is strong.
I wished her the courage to see it through, because she can not go back.
I wished patience + fortitude to birth something into this world, even in the dark moments of doubt.
I stopped walking. I let the words pour from my lips.
When I felt all wrung out, I stopped. We were silent for a moment.
Because BLESSINGS felt powerful.
Bitching is about wanting the past to be different and it keeps up focused on frustration with the way something turned out. Too much bitching, and we’re just stuck. Drained. Tired.
In other words, where you are LOOKING for evidence matters. When you bitch, you find all the evidence of what’s wrong. It makes you feel tired, annoyed, and frustrated. Too much focus on the bitching and you forget to notice that that guy sent you a text to say thank you for the awesome date, that you sent out your big project without a glitch, that your home + space is beautiful and it makes you feel safe + spacious.
If you are looking to bitch (and it is true that sometimes you just have to get it out), download my I CAN vs. I CAN’T Worksheet. Detox your bitching.
Blessings help us gather the tools that we have, honor the path that we have walked thus far, and turn our faces toward our future while standing solidly in the present. They bring us nourishment towards the future that is unknown.
When you ask for or seek out a blessing, you gain strength in your journey. Another is bearing witness to your process, to your desires, to the turmoil that you are in as you create. Blessings are invitations to be seen + to ask for the support that you need.
The secret weapon? Build Others Up, authentically. When we recognize strength + courage in another, we come into a habit of recognizing + cultivating it in ourselves.
Translation: A blessing for another person puts it out to the Universe and allows you to open to receiving what you most need.
Who are you sending blessings to today? And for what?
In bold courage + asking for what you need,
P.S. This song has been all over my world this week.
P.P.S. Are you joining us for a SoulSpeak on Power next week? We have six spots left. We’ll be jamming on big topics where women are in a practice of CLAIMING all their power. Sex. Money. Career. Love. Friendships. Purpose. Self-care. All of these are wrapped up in our relationship to our power. Get more details here.