I called a Soul Sister that I’ve been leaning on a lot lately.
When she picked up, I leaned again. She listened, she laughed, she asked me Qs. When I asked her about her life, she paused.
“Honey I know you are way happy with your dude. I saw your IG post,” I teased her.
“Jess, everything is amazing. We talked timeline/milestones for our engagement last night. But listen,” she rushed on. “I want you to tell me if me gushing makes you jealous. We don’t have to talk about it. I want to be here for you,” she said.
Ohhh, love (that’s to me AND her), that’s not how this gorgeous game of life is played. You see, I’m recently split with my partner. Soul Sister is trying to protect me from my own heartbreak.
And she’s right, I felt jealous. As I listened, I felt my heart squeeze. My “jealous” was showing up as a pang, an ache in the chest.
But our dark emotions, the one’s society has deemed “negative” are Desire Road Signs. We must learn how to ride this human ocean of emotion like a surfer. Don’t be afraid of the big waves like jealousy.
Because the heart squeeze is pointing to what I so deeply desire. On this path, of letting our Internal Compass guide us and speaking our truth, we must start by letting ourselves feel what we feel, without judgement. If I can feel the jealous (that heart squeeze sensation), without judgement and shame, it will pass.
Jill Bolte Taylor shares in her book My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey, that it only takes 90 seconds for an emotion to move through the body. The reason why we feel things for much longer, is because our minds hold onto the story.
Feel the jealous heart squeeze. Breathe. Let it pass. Stay open for the desire to come over me (even if it’s not right now).
In order to shift into a place that feels better, we have to become unafraid of feeling the suffering and let it wash over us without stuffing it down.
The more you recognize how jealousy shows up in your body and you let it move through you, the faster you will be able to let the coming waves of desire crash over you.
Most of us were taught to see emotions like envy as a green-eyed monster. These emotions come with a sick, heavy sense, and most of us also feel shame for being “jealous.” It’s a powerful cocktail that might have you feel a mix of emotions you weren’t expecting. Anger. Guilt. Rage. Want. Neediness.
If you’re new to allowing yourself to feel what you feel, then you’re going to want to spend time asking yourself where you feel these sensations in your body. You might not recognize what jealousy feels like because you’re trying to push it down or away or get out. Perhaps, you find that you need air, have a desire to escape, or perhaps you’re are regularly used to forcing a smile on your face to say you’re fine. Notice what you get jealous about and how it feels in your body when you notice.
I regularly attend a a breath class to practice breathing through emotions and sensations that I don’t always have specific words for. Can you breath? Cry? Feel the tightness or the constricting and keep breathing?
What were you jealous about? The business opportunity? What would it bring you that you actually desire? Most of our jealousy is the coat that is on top of what is inside of something we deeply desire. Identify what your jealousy is telling you about what you most deeply want.
Now that you’re clear, you get to make a bold ask. The only way that our desires become fulfilled is by asking. Don’t be intimidated by the possibility that you might ask and still not like what you asked for. That’s how we learn to discern what we actually want. If you ask and then you receive and you decide you don’t like, you ask again. In order to receive our desires, we have to ask. Without asking, it’s impossible to receive.
“If you judge someone else for anything great in their life, you will block the reception of whatever that is into your own. So celebrate it – take whatever envy you have and give it to God*! – Marianne Williamson
My jealousy cocktail wasn’t something that went away overnight. I still feel jealous on the reg. Now, I practice identifying it. Then laughing at myself usually, because I know that my jealous pangs or rages are pointing me to look at what I really want. Once I see it, I send some mental (or sometimes actual) gratitude and good will to the person or experience that crossed my path. They just helped me get clear on what I desire.
Cheers to the cocktail of Jealousy that’s pointing you on your way,
P.S. * It’s taken me a while to find my way back to the “G” word. I used to shut off and shut down just by seeing it. But, since I’ve started using “She” in reference to God, I feel a lot better. Please feel free to find your own way and replace God with any word you need. Divine, Universe, source, It, Trust, Calm, Goddess.. You get the idea.
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