“We are still trying to overcome the fear that fear that power and womanliness are mutually exclusive.”
– Arianna Huffington
Three more things. That Friday afternoon at 4pm, I sat down for the first time and there were three more things on the to-do list.
It was February in Portland, Oregon & my office had been relegated to an abandoned girls locker room in the elementary school. We hadn’t seen the sun for six months (DC, seventeen days is nooooootthing!).
Cold. Dank. Dark.
I looked around for inspiration. In my exhaustion, I couldn’t muster the gumption to do one more thing. I couldn’t even find the energy to bike the two miles home.
I had been going-going-going, hoping to outrun the overwhelm. When I sat, all my thoughts rushed over me.
I felt guilty for the moments I hadn’t loved a child completely that week. Then I felt shame, that I couldn’t take on anymore. I felt like an utter failure because I wasn’t finished…yet.
My inner worthiness-hustle mantra was loud.
Give it all. Run into the ground. Drop everything to recover. Feel guilty for dropping all the balls. Pick them up again. Sprint faster to make up time lost by the breakdown.
In that locker room, I got out-hustled by my emotions. I put my head on the desk, to rest for one minute, and figure a plan to get out of there right-quick, before it all tore loose. A tear trickled out of the corner of my eye. I watched it hit the floor.
The inner emotional hurricane tore free. In an out-of-body experience, I heard my own sobs echoing off the tiles.
Just for a minute, I thought. I’ll just pour it out and it will be better.
Powerless. I felt powerless to make a change in my life. I had given my power (my time, my energy, my passion, my emotions, my health) and I felt like it wasn’t enough. I felt so much shame for letting myself get to this place.
Be the Guardian + Queen of Your Power
We all have stories of feeling utterly powerless, moments where we’ve abdicated our responsibility to creating a life we love. Then, our friends guilt + shame show up for “not doing enough.”
We also all have stories of standing up, of claiming what is ours + our loved ones, of advocating for justice and making necessary, societal change.
This SoulSpeak is a Reclamation of Power.
It is a moment to SHARE moments where you’ve been bereft of power. It is a moment to witness another share her story of power usurped. It is a moment of declaration, when you said, “NO MORE. I AM QUEEN” and then you claimed it.
Personally, my way into my power has + continues to be a journey. I’m honored to witness + coach women to the center of their power and then to STAND + STAY.
Every day we are faced with our relationship to power. Will we step in or shy away?
In our careers. In our love lives. In our freedom. In our creativity.
And what, dear one, are the boundaries that you have found are necessary to support you as you step into your power?
This SoulSpeak:
We want the slow crawls.
We want the sexy surrender.
We want the wild + bodacious learning, you have gained on your journey.
We want the deep roar of reclamation.
We want the calm, clear voice.
Stepping into your power is a practice that each woman cultivates. And you, wild glorious woman, are a FORCE when you are in your power. You are magical + creation + possibility when you are in your power.
We need your triumphs. We need your utter failures. We need to witness the moments power slipped away, that you only see now. We’re craving to bear witness to the women around us step back into their power.
Join us on Wednesday, June 29 at 6 PM – 9 PM.
In all your big + bold courage,
Jess
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