“It’s important to remember that even with effective communication, some problems won’t be solved immediately. What’s vital is your partner’s response, whether he or she is concerned about your well-being, has your best interests in mind, and is willing to work on things.” ― Amir Levine, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
I love romantic love. I tend not to talk directly about romance and love relationships because I am not an expert. Yet, I spend about 50% of my personal time reading and trying to understand these partnerships. Bessel Vander Kolk says, “All research is me-search” in his book Attached. I read the whole thing and was flabbergasted by the behavior insights. Here’s the thing: it’s not just about communication and understanding your love languages. There are additional thresholds one must cross. For one, check the generosity and kindness and the willingness to work. Good lawd, the work. Are you receiving generosity and kindness? Are you giving this as a partner? What does generosity look like? How do you identify it? How does concern over well-being and your best interests show up? How are you showing your partner that you care about them and their work? Mutually sustainable partnerships require lots of moving parts. Do the work. Show up. And remember that effective communication is one huge part, but not the only part.
What else needs to be there?
These Soulful Sunday blogs go out weekly on Sundays to be used as a place to step back from the hustle and bustle and explore what your soul might be saying to you. Some folks use these as journal prompts and let loose amidst pages. Some folks bring them to the kitchen table and jam over coffee. Do you, boo.
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