Before You Add To Your Cup, Empty Out

I did too much again. You know that invisible line of what you can and cannot handle? The one that sometimes changes depending on when you get your period or what your ex posts on social media?

TOO REAL, RIGHT? That poor sheep is probably gonna need therapy, but I think they’re actually onto something.

When I hit the “too much” moment, I immediately think “Fill your cup”. But you can’t add to an overflowing cup. When you’re at capacity, there’s nothing else you can do or add to feel renewed. First you need to empty yourself out.

IDENTIFY YOUR PATTERN OF OVEREXTENSION

I’m a New Yorker born and bred in the rat race with codependent and excitable tendencies. For a time, the late nights and early mornings worked for me. I’d respond to texts and emails at all hours to keep plowing through ideas and plans. Then I found it harder and harder to add another phone call or meeting. Even now, I have the habit of saying Yes and not sticking by my No.

A client recently told me, “Growing up, my parents told me I say No too much, that I’m too stubborn. I still catch that voice in my head. But whenever I go against my instinct to say No to something, I regret it. I rebel against it and I get burnt out.” A question: When you say Yes, are you saying Yes to yourself?

When I’m on an external Yes streak, I absorb too much of what’s going on around me. I get thrown by the emotions of people standing in line with me at the grocery store. I get distracted at the expense of tuning into my body.  

This noticing has been a long journey. Five years ago, I would have also handled being overextended by overeating. Binging made my physical sensations (being full) match my emotional ones. It was a very uncomfortable and sometimes downright painful cycle.

When you’re full up, you’ve got to empty.

EMPTYING AS A SACRED PRACTICE

We don’t really talk about or honor emptying on the reg, but it’s wildly necessary. It’s a part of how we feel well sourced and balanced. It requires that we play with and have compassion for both the filling up (how much, when, why) and the purging.

I’ve learned to get pretty serious about emptying. It’s a practice that reminds me to come back to a #tenderfierce place. I don’t do all of these things, but some concoction of most of the below helps me get back to clear in just the way I need.

• I clean everything. It does something wonderful for the heart.
• Organize any stacks of paper so you’re not looking at chunks of stuff.
• I clear my calendar for a day or two, or I stop adding appointments to what is already on the calendar while I recharge.
• When folks make a request of me, I ask for time to consider AND when they really need a response by.
• I cry. Multiple times. My favorite space is in bed.
• Some choose to watch a sad movie that really brings on the feels. I usually turn to Tara Brach for a meditation.
• I go for a slow jog or a walk in the woods,and I damn well make sure to hug a tree. Some research suggests having plants around supports emotional health.
• I deep breathe or look for a breath worker near me.
• I take an epsom salt bath and really lett my body float in the water.
• I go to bed early and I let myself sleep 9-10 hours.
• I rise before the sun and I journal.
• I call if I need someone. A coach, therapist or friend who’s really really good at empathy.
• I do something that feels soulful like yoga with a favorite teacher or heading to church.
• I go to NVC Practice Groups where people practice bearing witness and I ask for what I need.

Go ahead. No shame in needing to go empty. Let it all out.

To the freedom that comes with space,
JESS

PS: Emptying is a sacred practice and if you are caring for others, you might have been giving giving giving but you also might be absorbing, absorbing, absorbing. Giving back to yourself can’t happen until you’ve emptied.

Photo by João Silas on Unsplash